Show Notes
This episode of “Enthusiastic Encouragement and Dubious Advice” features hosts Patricia and Nicole discussing recent events they attended, such as a Parliament-Funkadelic concert and an immersive theater experience about the Compton’s Cafeteria Riot. They then delve into the concept of “doing enough,” exploring personal feelings of inadequacy despite high achievements and societal pressures. The episode concludes with reflections on personal accomplishments and emphasizes self-compassion and recognizing one’s own efforts.
Mentioned on the show:
- Bookshop Affiliate Storefront (links below are affiliate)
- Become a patron! Patreon.com/eedapod
- Subscribe to the ongoing Enthusiastic Encouragement & Dubious Advice Newsletter
- Compton’s Cafeteria Riot
- Screaming Queens documentary via KQED
- “There’s No Such Thing as 5-Star Cereal” via EEDA Pod
- “Burnout is Not Your Fault” via EEDA Pod
Find the full show notes and official transcript on our website: eedapod.com
Follow the show on Instagram & find us on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, & Spotify
Sound editing by Jen Zink
Transcript
Music: [00:00:00] [Intro Music]
Patricia: Hey there, fun dips! Welcome to Enthusiastic Encouragement and Dubious Advice, the podcast for folks who would rather curl into the fetal position than lean in. I’m your host, Patricia Elzie-Tuttle,
Nicole: And I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me, I’m Nicole Elzie-Tuttle. We are recording the show on May 9th, 2025.
Patricia: Yeah.
Let’s see, what have we done since last show?
Nicole: I feel like we’ve done so much.
Patricia: Uh…
Oh! At the end of April, we went with friends to see Parliament Funkadelic.
Nicole: We did. George Clinton still hanging out on stage doing his thing.
Patricia: You know, he wasn’t all dressed up in the Afro future. He, he was in a [00:01:00] reasonable kind of like sweatsuit and hat, but he’s 83, I think, and he was getting down.
And there were so many people on that stage, both in the band and then people just in the wings kind of on the stage. Like it was so chaotic and just unhinged energy, but it was so fun.
Nicole: It was a lot of fun.
Patricia: Everyone on that stage looked like they were performing for a different band. Like that they were at a different concert or something.
Like everyone was just wearing whatever they, it seemed like, whatever they felt best performing in. What they wanted their performance outfit to be. ‘Cause no one matched.
Nicole: No.
Patricia: It was amazing.
Nicole: It was fantastic. And this was in downtown Oakland.
Patricia: Yeah.
And speaking of which, I think this is. This was possibly, like, the most diverse crowd I have been in. Like race, ethnicity, [00:02:00] gender, age, like there were people also, you know, someone wearing a like college sweatshirt and jeans, and then someone in a full three piece suit.
And there was just like such a range of people.
Nicole: Yeah. It was just everybody was there, and everyone was there to boogie.
Patricia: Yeah. I loved it. I loved it so much.
Nicole: We also went to an immersive theater experience. This time in San Francisco and what we went to was kind of a, a recreation of the events leading up to the Compton’s Cafeteria riot.
Patricia: Are you gonna tell folks just in case they don’t know what Compton’s Cafeteria Riot was?
Nicole: Yes.
So most people are probably at this point familiar with the Stonewall Rebellion that happened in New York City in 1969. The Compton’s Cafeteria Riot took place three years earlier in [00:03:00] 1966 in San Francisco, and it was a similar event.
Where the queer community was fed up by being harassed and arrested and just treated poorly in general by the police. And so they had a riot.
Patricia: Yeah, they had had it.
Nicole: They had had it.
Patricia: They had had it.
And so this theater experience, they recreated like this space. They recreated the diner.
Nicole: Yeah.
Patricia: And there were 12 cast members and one was the owner. Some were the waitresses and some were the people who were there that evening. And of course, one, one guy was the cop. And first of all, they served you pancakes and sausage and coffee.
Nicole: Heck yes.
Patricia: At table, like you sat at tables. And they kind of interacted with you, but then the actors would start come in and the night would start to [00:04:00] unfold, and there was one character who was actually split into two people. It was like her older self kind of narrating. And then it was her younger self who was present.
Nicole: Yeah.
Patricia: And so then you’re sitting there and like everything’s happening around you. Sometimes they’d come sit at your table and talk to you in character. It was pretty amazing.
Nicole: It was really cool. And I hope they get to continue doing that show.
Patricia: Yeah.
Nicole: If you are interested in learning more about Compton’s Cafeteria Riot and everything around it, there’s a documentary you can watch on YouTube from our local PBS affiliate, KQED.
Patricia: Yes.
Nicole: Called Screaming Queens, and we will link to that in the show notes.
Patricia: So as a reminder, this podcast is independently run, which is a very nice way of saying we do this all out of pocket.
Downloading and sharing and [00:05:00] giving us reviews and ratings are free ways to show us support, and those are really, really important in helping other people find us. If you have a few bucks, our Patreon memberships start at $3 a month and we just announced the new top tier, which are the dubious advisors, which are $40 a month.
There are 10 spots. It is a snail mail experience that happens monthly. And also on our website, eedapod.com, there’s a link to our bookshop affiliate site where if you buy books through bookshop, which I hope you are. You can support us by buying through our links.
Music: [Transition Music]
Patricia: So, today we want to talk about the idea of enough, mostly around the notion of doing enough. This is something that I think about a lot because I, [00:06:00] like many other overachievers or firstborns or marginalized folks who have some privileges often feel like I’m not doing enough.
Nicole: Same.
No, really. It’s wild that we feel this way because we do so much.
Like if most of us listed everything we do in a week, it would be a pretty long list when you start taking into account, like day jobs, running errands, any hobbies you may have, cooking, cleaning, childcare, plant care, elder care, pet care, self-care.
And then like what if you also have a side gig? Do you write maybe you podcast? Are you doing photography? Are you crafting any other kind of art? Are you doing activism also, like calling representatives and attending marches? Are you being conscious of where you’re spending your money and where you’re donating?
And then like maintaining your relationships and like spending time with [00:07:00] friends or partners or family members. Texting, emailing, checking in, chatting on the phone.
Patricia: Yeah.
You mentioned self-care and there’s always also that like, I should be working out. I should be going for a walk. I should be getting sunlight. I should be resting. Like resting is another thing to check off the list. And I hear all of this and that toxic little voice in my head is like, yeah, but you should be doing more.
You’re not doing enough. Always with the shoulding myself.
Nicole: I know for me, part of this is because when I think about all the things I should be doing. Almost all of the things I listed a minute ago about like day jobs and like life maintenance, like household chores and cooking and like eating and all of that.
Those don’t count towards like the list of things I’m [00:08:00] doing in my head, usually. I don’t value them the same way as the things I want to do or that I feel like would be helping in some greater way.
Patricia: Yeah.
And, and as we were talking about this last night, going over the script, I think that is also something that we have internalized from white supremacy and patriarchy is we don’t value the everyday things of life.
The, the domestic work,
Nicole: oh my gosh
Patricia: right?
We under, we undervalue the cooking and cleaning and calendar maintenance. And like, I want to be very clear, like queer people aren’t immune to the effects of patriarchy and white supremacy. We were, this is the water we swim in. This is how we were raised. And so it’s hard to let go of those ideas, especially pointed at ourselves, right?
Nicole: Yeah.
Patricia: That like, oh, what I’m doing isn’t, isn’t important [00:09:00] enough or what I should be doing.
Nicole: Yeah, and then it’s like suddenly 10 o’clock, and I’m like, but I really should be writing.
Patricia: Totally. Yeah.
I still remember my jaw dropping when my old therapist said to me, okay, what would be enough? What would doing enough look like?
How do you know you’ve done enough?
Nicole: How’d you answer that?
Patricia: For once in my life I was speechless.
Nicole: Really?
Patricia: Yeah. Yeah.
Nicole: Okay.
Patricia: I, I think I gave her a dirty look. I mean, I always have plenty of those to throw around.
Nicole: Now you ask this question, I’m like, okay, how do I know I’ve done enough. And this is a hard one because like my immediate thought is like, well, I’ll know I’ve done enough when we’ve overthrown capitalism and dismantled systems of intersecting oppression so that we can all live in a relaxed state and enjoy our lives and make good art and [00:10:00] food.
Patricia: Yeah. Yeah.
I wanna point out there is a short distance between the phrase I am not doing enough, and the phrase, I am not enough.
Nicole: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Careful with that. It sounds like you’re about to say something that’s going to lead to, like, introspection.
Patricia: Yeah, I, my apologies.
But I do see a pattern with those in our circle who frequently tell me, I don’t feel like I’m doing enough.
I am obviously just basing this on our circles. It’s total anecdata, but stay with me. I hear it a lot from other people of color, especially those of us who were firsts in some way. First to go to a four year college. First to get an advanced degree. First to work a white collar job. Or I see [00:11:00] it with friends that have parents who are, or were high achieving doctors, college professors, teachers, business owners, or any of my friends from any type of historically excluded communities who feel like they should be doing more, giving more money, volunteering more time, achieving more to be the exception, not the rule. Achieving more to give a hand up to those who come after us.
Nicole: Yeah, but if we don’t give that hand, then how can we help lift everyone up?
Patricia: We just need to lift someone up. We can’t single handedly lift everyone up.
But that Venn diagram of the aforementioned folks and folks whose identities are wrapped up in achievements like career or good grades is a circle.
Nicole: I feel like, and this is again, like just the people that we interact with, the [00:12:00] ones we always hear saying, I’m not doing enough, those are the ones that are always doing so much.
Patricia: Yeah, I think there’s no one doing the bare minimum saying they’re not doing enough. It’s always those of us who are doing so much being like, I’m not doing enough.
Nicole: You know, take note of that. Uh, listeners, if you are ones that are like, I’m not doing enough
Patricia: You’re probably doing a lot.
Nicole: You’re probably doing a lot, and you should like take a step back and look at that.
Patricia: That goes for us too. I know for me it can stem from a place of feeling obligated to make up for the people who I perceive as not showing up.
Nicole: So again, we ask what would enough look like in this context? You know, thinking about this question makes me think about one of those early episodes that we did on perfection, where we say not everything needs to be five stars. Maybe doing some [00:13:00] things, some things is enough. We don’t need to do all the things all the time.
Patricia: I understand this academically, but emotionally it’s still something I really struggle with. I think I’ve mentioned in the past, I was raised to believe that I could do anything. Every adult in my life hyped me up. I had no limits to my achievements. Black excellence, Asian excellence, girl power, meow, meow, meow.
What not enough people talk about though is that when you’re raised believing you can do anything, you turn into an adult that feels like you need to do everything. It’s the never ending, not living up to my potential tune.
Nicole: I think this also does tie back to capitalism, which in the way it’s functioning right now, is [00:14:00] designed to keep you in a relentless productivity loop, and this loop leads to burnout.
On that note, go listen to our episode titled Burnout Is Not Your Fault.
So, Patricia, what do we even do when we’re in this cycle of feeling like we’re not doing enough? Especially for those of us who are doing so much.
Patricia: This is where self-compassion comes in. Also known as cutting yourself some fricking slack.
Nicole: I don’t know her.
Patricia: I dunno. I mean I read this somewhere, I’m sure. I know it’s real rich coming from me, uh, which is maybe why our advice is dubious.
Nicole: Yeah. You know what? This is the dubious advice part of the episode. It can be really difficult to get out of our heads and be gentle with [00:15:00] ourselves. Wait, gentle with our, again, I don’t know her.
But we suggest thinking about what if this were someone you love who was doing a million things and saying they’re not doing enough. How would you react? What would you say to them?
Patricia: I’d, I’d probably say like, you’re already doing so much. Maybe put some things down.
Have you considered resting?
Oh.
Once in a while, if I’m really spiraling, I write down all the things I’ve done in a span of time, like a week or two weeks.
And that includes day job, that includes the self-care maintenance, but also cooking and also bathing and, uh, hair wash day and like, just write everything down.
Nicole: Jokes on you. I can’t remember what I did like three days ago.
Patricia: You [00:16:00] know what? That’s fair too.
Nicole: Why am I not doing enough? I can’t remember what I’ve done.
Patricia: I can’t remember. Aw, ADHD strikes again.
Then I take a step back and I look at these lists and I think, what if it was a loved one showing me this list? What would I think? My answer is always, well, I’d be incredibly impressed and hope they are fitting in some time to rest and do something for themself.
Nicole: Y’all can’t hear the look I’m giving Patricia right now.
Patricia: It is, she’s giving me a really loud look, everyone. Feeling attacked.
Nicole: Again, I think it’s important to recognize that there is no such thing as enough. In like quotes, big capital letters, enough under capitalism and in an oppressive state.
Patricia: Or that enough isn’t actually a possibility that exists when it comes to some things like, [00:17:00] like me showing you how much I love you, right?
Or just showing care for other people.
Nicole: There better not be.
Patricia: There, there is no limit, baby.
Nicole: That’s good. That’s real good.
Patricia: My Velcro wife.
Nicole: Yeah, and you tear us apart, you hear me scream.
Patricia: Sorry. You got me with that one.
Nicole: You are welcome.
Music: [Transition Music]
Nicole: Wow. We just kind of unloaded that one.
Patricia: We absolutely did. That, that must be a record.
Nicole: What do you want people to take away from this episode?
Patricia: I think my big takeaway is that there is actually no such thing as enough. Like there’s no such thing as doing enough. We can never do enough. So we need to determine, we need to determine enough for ourselves.
Nicole: Hmm.
Patricia: How about you? What [00:18:00] takeaway do you want people to have?
Nicole: I think I want people to be mindful of all the things they aren’t counting towards what they’re doing. Like when they’re thinking about like, am I doing enough? Think about all the things that you aren’t counting in that. Especially like the things I list off early on, like all the, the domestic things and your day job.
Think about all the things you’re doing at your day job. Start counting that stuff too, because that is stuff you as a person are doing.
Patricia: Yeah. And expending spell slots on too.
Nicole: Yeah.
You’re probably doing a lot more than you think you are. Except me. I am totally not doing enough.
Patricia: Yeah, no, I’m definitely not doing enough.
Nicole: Recognizing how much we’re doing.
Patricia: Yeah.
Nicole: And often those things take from your cup.
Patricia: Mm-hmm.
Nicole: What are you doing to refill it?
Patricia: Well, we had our wedding anniversary.
Nicole: Yes.
Patricia: Which was, which is eight years, [00:19:00] married. 13 years together.
Nicole: Good job, us.
Patricia: Good job, us.
And you know what, we didn’t even do anything to celebrate or anything like that,
necessarily that evening. I did make you a chicken. I did make a buttermilk chicken.
Nicole: Oh my gosh. You made Samin Nosrat’s buttermilk chicken.
Patricia: I’ll link that in the show notes.
Nicole: Oh my god. This was some of the best roast chicken I’ve ever had.
Patricia: But I don’t know, I think I’m always wowed when our wedding anniversary comes around ’cause it still doesn’t feel like that long.
Nicole: Yeah.
You also wrote me a really sweet card like you often do.
Patricia: Yeah. I try to make you cry.
Nicole: You, you get me, you get me there sometimes.
Patricia: And the other thing that is filling my cup right now is the Gypsy cast recording that was released April 25th. I’m just making it my whole personality.
Nicole: Yeah.
Patricia: You don’t see me most of the day when I’m here.
Nicole: I, I don’t, but I catch snippets of it playing from time to time, especially on [00:20:00] the weekends. And then I’m like, I know this song. Why do I know this song?
Patricia: Nicole, what’s filling your cup lately?
Nicole: Y’all? I finally got a typewriter!
Patricia: You did, and it’s so cool.
Nicole: It’s been many months since you got yours.
Patricia: Mm-hmm.
Nicole: I, yeah. It’s a beast of a typewriter. It’s from 1947.
Patricia: Mm-hmm.
Nicole: And it works great.
Patricia: Yeah.
Nicole: And I’m very pleased with it.
Patricia: Yeah. It’s real. Like I love the keys on it. We got it from someone who loved it, but was downsizing.
Nicole: Yeah.
I’m just, I’m so stoked and I’m starting to write mail on it. Um…
Patricia: Yeah. You wrote a letter to Nana.
Nicole: I did write a letter to my Nana. Yes.
Patricia: Yeah.
Nicole: Which I’m waiting for her to, to call me or something and be like, did you write on a typewriter?
Patricia: You a weirdo. She wouldn’t say that. She loves everything you do.
Nicole: I know.
Patricia: Well, [00:21:00] that’s our show for today. We’d like to thank our awesome audio editor, Jen Zink. You can find her at loopdilou.com. We’ll leave a link to that in our show notes.
Nicole: You can find the full show notes and transcript at eedapod.com. That’s E-E-D-A-P-O-D dot com. There you can find a link to our Patreon, our bookshop link, and a link to the ongoing, Enthusiastic Encouragement and Dubious Advice newsletter.
You can also find us on Instagram and Bluesky at eedapod and email us at eedapod@gmail.com.
Patricia: We are nothing if not consistent.
Nicole: We would also appreciate it so much if you would subscribe and rate us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube, or wherever else you get your podcasts that allow ratings. It goes really far in helping other people find us, which is good because we are not advertising anywhere right now so we need you to spread the [00:22:00] word.
Patricia: Please.
We would also appreciate anyone who can subscribe to us on Patreon. Support is going to help us keep this show going, especially without ads. You can find us at patreon.com/eedapod. In the meantime, we hope you find ways to be kind to yourself, drink some water and read a book.
We’ll be talking to you soon.
Nicole: Did you forget to clap?
Patricia: Yeah, I forgot to clap buy you’re just looking at me with your teeth hanging out.
1, 2, 3. [CLAP]