Show Notes
This week we chat about how we can prepare for the next few months. The end of the year can be difficult and complicated for some of us, and anxiety-inducing for most of us. The time change, the election, the holidays, and winter are creeping up on us quickly so we offer some ideas on how to make this time of year less stressful and maybe even a little cozy.
Mentioned on the show:
- Bookshop Affiliate Storefront
- EEDA Newsletter Vol 5, Res 20: Hurricane Relief, Black Disabled Woman Syllabus, & Opting Out of AI
- Raven (bluejay19xx) on Instagram
- Community Care is Self Care via EEDA Pod
- All the Books! Podcast
- The focaccia recipe that Patricia uses
- Self-care in times of distress: Create your own “self-care toolbox” (here’s a list of 51 self-care options) via Michelle Mijung Kim
- Pumpkinheads by Rainbow Rowell, illustrated by Faith Erin Hicks
Find the full show notes and official transcript on our website: eedapod.com
Become a patron! Patreon.com/eedapod
Follow the show on Instagram & find us on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, & Spotify
Subscribe to the ongoing Enthusiastic Encouragement & Dubious Advice Newsletter
Sound editing by Jen Zink
Transcript
Music: [Intro Music]
Patricia: Hello, gremlins! Welcome to Enthusiastic Encouragement and Dubious Advice, the podcast for folks who would rather curl into the fetal position than lean in. I’m your host, Patricia Elzie-Tuttle.
Nicole: And I’m here for the potatoes and molasses, Nicole Elzie-Tuttle. We’re recording the show on October 10th, 2024.
Patricia: First of all, before we get into anything, I don’t know if any of our listeners or our listener’s loved ones were affected by Hurricane Helene or Hurricane Milton.
I did post some resources for folks if they can access them in my newsletter at theinfophile.com. I’ll repost it in the show notes. That’s for Hurricane Helene. As of the recording of this show, I don’t yet have resources for Hurricane Milton victims, but also just know we’re thinking about you, and we hope you’re all, and all your loved ones are, are good.
Nicole: Yeah.
We wanted to share a little something because we talked about the upcoming turning airpods into hearing aids situation.
Patricia: Yeah, last episode we talked about how you found it really useful to use your airpods in a kind of crowded echoey room situation.
Nicole: mm hmm
Patricia: And then we were talking about the updates that Apple’s making to airpods to turn them into hearing aids.
And I mentioned neither of us are deaf or hard of hearing and I’m really interested in hearing from deaf or hard of hearing people on what they think about this update and addition to AirPods. And actually one deaf creator I follow Her name is Raven. I think she’s bluejay19XX on Instagram. She posted a video about her opinions and it really got me thinking, you know, about a bunch of different things.
One of her main concerns was calling them hearing aids, which is actually a term for a medical device that is thousands of dollars and maybe it’s not as accurate. But also thinking about like, what are the different hearing levels that would be able to use these? And in what kind of situations would people be able to use these?
And so not going to get into all that, but I said her Instagram name, I’ll link into the show notes. And it just really got me thinking and, and it’s so important to follow content creators who aren’t typically in your circles or communities and really listen to what they have to say.
Nicole: Absolutely.
We went to a Ren Faire.
Patricia: We did. It was a million degrees. It was dirty. We sang sea shanties and we ate fair food.
Nicole: We did not eat a turkey leg, but many of our friends did.
Patricia: Well, they tried to, they were ginormous.
Nicole: They ate some of various turkey legs.
Both: [Laughing]
Patricia: They did.
And we kind of made a game of scavenger hunt, bingo, kind of, what would we see at the Ren Faire.
Nicole: We saw a lot of different things.
Patricia: Saw a lot of different things, including, there was definitely a TARDIS there.
Nicole: Absolutely.
Patricia: [Chuckling]
But it was fun. It was a great outdoors thing to do with our friends, and I’m glad we were finally able to take our friends who had never been to a Ren Faire before.
Nicole: Yeah, it was good.
It was a good experience for all.
We did not, however, go to the dinosaur pumpkin patch last weekend.
Patricia: Yeah, there’s a pumpkin patch around here that has like huge audio animatronic dinosaurs, and just, it’s a massive place. And I’ve seen it on Instagram, but it was going to be like 102 degrees, so we cancelled.
Nicole: Yeah, it’s, it’s been too hot to even think up until like yesterday.
Patricia: Exactly.
Nicole: And we don’t have air conditioning, so we were already melting.
Friendly reminder to everyone, we do have a Patreon, where you can help support the show, and help ensure we don’t have ads, and potentially interact with Patricia on there a little more right now.
Patricia: You literally never go on there.
Nicole: I don’t. I know. I’m sorry, friends.
Patricia: [Laughing]
Nicole: I have enough, hard enough time being accountable to myself and Patricia.
Patricia: [Laughing]
Nicole: I don’t need to be accountable to the broader community yet.
Patricia: Maybe that’ll be a 2025 goal. Nicole logs into Patreon once a month.
Both: [Laughing]
Nicole: But we do have two levels you can support us at.
There is the Helpful Helpers level, which is $3, and is the next one the Enthusiastic Encouragers?
Patricia: I think it is.
Nicole: And that’s $8 a month, and that gets you access to some additional discussions.
Patricia: Not necessarily discussions yet, but the newsletter.
Nicole: Oh, yeah, that gets you access to the Enthusiastic Encouragement and Dubious Advice newsletter, which is what Patricia was talking about earlier, where she had already shared some hurricane help resources. So you can also subscribe through our Patreon and get access to the kind of non-resource issues for that.
We also have a bookshop accessible, and through there you can always shop for any books we mention on the show. And support from both of those goes to help keeping this show ad free, aside from the ads where we try to sell you on supporting us so we don’t have to talk about, like, socks or mattresses or something.
Patricia: Protein powder and meal, meal delivery services.
Nicole: Yeah.
Patricia: [Chuckling]
Music: [Transitional Music]
Patricia: Today, we want to talk about the fact that we are coming up on a complicated time of year for a lot of us. It is mid October. First of all, the first thing that’s gonna kind of hit is the time change. That’s on November 3rd for places that do the time change. I recognize not everywhere does the time change. Daylight savings.
But the time change happens two days before the next anxiety inducing thing for those of us in the U. S., which is the election, and whatever comes with that.
Nicole: [Big Exhale]
Patricia: And that is November 5th, and then we’re rolling right into the holidays, which can be hard for any number of reasons. And then, of course, winter, which comes with its own emotional difficulties for many folks.
Nicole: Which is why you may soon just find me under a pile of blankets.
Both: [Laughing]
Nicole: But, like, just hearing about all that and, like, kind of staring down the last couple of months of the year can definitely be overwhelming. And it is really easy for some of us to like, just kind of start spiraling on this. But we here at the Enthusiastic Encouragement and Dubious Advice headquarters
Patricia: [Laughing]
Nicole: have this radical idea that it doesn’t have to all be horrible. If you can find ways to start preparing yourself now.
Patricia: Yeah.
Nicole: And I guess we’ll talk about what that means.
Patricia: Yeah, that’s what we’re going to talk about today.
But I want to start with a little bit of a refresher on the term self care.
Nicole: That’s like pedicures and stuff, right?
Patricia: Absolutely not.
Nicole: [giggling]
Patricia: Audre Lorde said, quote, Caring for myself is not self indulgence, it’s self preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.
That is to say, self care is an act of self preservation. It’s what we put in place to keep our cups from being depleted in the first place. A lot of the things being sold to folks as self care is more akin to self soothing or aftercare, right? After we are already burned out or depleted, which these things can also be important, but they are different, which is why I call out the distinction.
And some of what we’re going to talk about today are things that you put in place and a lot of planning, and then some of it might be planning for aftercare for some of these things.
Nicole: Okay, let’s talk about the election time first. We cannot control everything that happens, but there is a lot in our own lives that we can control.
Us, this means making a voting plan. We can do research. We actually get together on Slack with a group of friends who live nearby and who also have, like, values that align with ours, so we know we’re all kind of on the same page to begin with, and we go through the whole ballot from president all the way down to the very, very local measures.
We talk it through, people research different aspects, try to make sure we are being very informed about the votes that we are placing. And, like, we carve out a couple hours for this at least, and we make sure we have snacks, and our laptops are up, so we can share chats and links, and kind of make it almost in some ways like, a little party situation.
Patricia: It’s kind of a little party situation.
Nicole: Yeah.
Patricia: And, you know, it’s so helpful to have multiple people at multiple computers to say like, okay, I’m looking at measure so and so, well, this one’s endorsed by this union, and this one’s endorsed by these people. And sometimes that helps drive our votes.
Nicole: Absolutely.
To be clear, it’s not like a very dull exercise. Like, we make a lot of jokes and have fun with it, too.
Patricia: Yeah.
But we vote all the way down the ballot. And sometimes, yeah, it takes a while. But I think the being together with people is what helps it feel less tedious.
Nicole: And less daunting.
Patricia: And less daunting. Yeah, we have really smart friends.
[Laughing]
I think it’s also important to not only plan like your actual voting, whether you are going into the poll or, you know, we usually mail in our ballots. Early voting has started in some places, maybe you’re in one of those places. But it’s really important to maybe have some things lined up for election day and the day after.
It might be some friend time. It might be some comfort shows or comfort food. It might just be some check ins, right? Checking in with some loved ones. Maybe it involves some boundaries around your own social media use which I know for some people, politics is their football, politics is their sport, and they just consume it. And some of us really need to be measured about the amount that we take in at any given time.
I know that many of us have to work because it’s on a Tuesday. So maybe this means some boundaries around conversations with co workers, right? Because for some people, the election and politics are great water cooler conversations, but for some of us, it’s just too charged because it is our lives and our rights. And maybe even just preparing something to say like, hey, I appreciate your enthusiasm wanting to talk to me about the election right now, but I just don’t have the bandwidth or spell slots or whatever you have to have this conversation just yet.
Right? Just saying like, hey, I don’t have the bandwidth for this right now.
Nicole: Just gonna write that on my hand.
Patricia: Yeah.
We’ll, we’ll print you out some, some business cards to hand out.
Nicole: Have a little sign on a popsicle stick.
Patricia: Yeah.
Nicole: I don’t have the spell slots for this conversation right now.
Patricia: I think that would just be great to have all the time.
Nicole: Just keep one at your desk.
Patricia: I don’t have
the spell slots for this. Just…
Nicole: Make it like a zoom background. And then like, you can swipe to like hide your camera. So you disappear and it just shows the background.
Both: [Laughing]
Nicole: All of this really relates to what we talked about in an earlier episode that was called Community Care is Self Care. Election time can make some people feel really connected and others feel really adrift, depending on who you are around. If you can, plan time with like minded loved ones, even virtually.
And this might be a good thing to get on the calendar ahead of time. And I’m gonna extra enforce this if you are a person who maybe lives alone, that either way it goes, it’d probably be a good idea to be with people.
Patricia: Yeah, yeah.
Now that you say that, I’m like, ugh, do I make a drop in Zoom for
Nicole: yeah
Patricia: our loved ones for that evening?
Nicole: Yeah.
Patricia: Maybe.
Maybe that’s something we think about and get on the calendar.
So, right before the election, like I said, two days before, is the time change. Personally. I love that our plants thrive in all the light and heat, and spring and summer produce are unmatched. But I actually prefer the cold and dark.
I think I’ve mentioned before that I have summer onset seasonal affective disorder. So the recent heat wave we had here in California has been incredibly hard for me, like meltdown o’clock every day. Thankfully, we are recording this and it broke a couple days ago, so it’s finally cool enough for my brain to work.
Nicole: Yeah.
There are plenty of resources online for how to prepare for the time change, so we aren’t going to go over those in detail here, but we are going to urge you to not wait till the last minute to look them up.
Patricia, I know one of your things, though, is fun lighting.
Patricia: Oh my gosh, the amount of things we have in here that light up is almost Pee Wee’s Playhouse level.
Nicole: And you don’t mean just my smile.
Patricia: Well, that too.
Nicole: [giggle]
Patricia: But fairy lights everywhere. Bulbs that we can change the color on. Various other fun lights, like I have clouds that light up that are above my desk, and I have an Ikea jack-o’-lantern lamp on my nightstand.
Nicole: That is not just seasonal decor in our home.
Patricia: No, that is year round.
Nicole: Year round nightstand jack-o’-lantern.
You also recently read a book on how to handle the longer dark time and also The Winter, which is coming.
Patricia: Yes.
Okay, so I am, like, dying to share this book with everyone here, but first I’m sharing it via Book Riot. And they do get first dibs at certain book recommendations of mine.
I’ll be sharing it there by the end of the month, and I’ll make a public post in our Patreon when that goes live, and then I’m sure I’ll be able to talk about it in an upcoming EEDAPOD episode.
Nicole: Can we at least know the publication date, so people know when to look out for, like, something from Book Riot, or…
Patricia: Sure.
It would be October 22nd?
Nicole: Okay.
Patricia: Yeah.
[Giggling]
Nicole: So keep a lookout around October 22nd-ish, or that week.
Patricia: And it’ll be on the All the Books podcast.
Nicole: All the Books podcast. Go listen there.
We are lucky. We have really mild winters here, and even though it can get chilly for us here in Northern California, it does not snow.
Still, there are some things that help us get through those slow winter days after the holidays. Some of these are, like, really leaning into the things we enjoy that are just, like, extra enjoyable this time of year.
Big one for me? Hot drinks. I love a hot drink.
Patricia: Yeah, and we’re not necessarily talking about alcoholic hot drinks.
Nicole: No.
Patricia: Just like a hot chocolate, a nice cup of tea.
Nicole: Your hot cider.
Patricia: Oh hot cider!
Nicole: Yeah, just, I love a hot drink in winter. It is one of the best things.
Blanket nests on the sofa. I know you just looked over at what I’m already cooking up over here in the corner with two blankets, with a third that’s slowly migrating from your side over to mine.
Comfort food. What kind of comfort foods?
Patricia: I mean…
Nicole: What’s on your, like, watch out list for this year for comfort food in the winter?
Patricia: I mean, mine is getting back to cooking beans. It’s just been too hot to stand in front of the stove.
Nicole: Baking.
Patricia: Baking.
Nicole: You bake more in the winter.
Patricia: I bake more in the winter. I cook more in the winter.
Nicole: Yeah.
Patricia: But yeah, soups. Love a soup.
Nicole: I love a soup. It’s a hot drink, but it’s also food.
Patricia: [Chuckle]
But also, yeah, baking. I make a very good focaccia and, again, it’s something I can’t make when it’s really hot because it has to, like, rise and, like, it gets too kind of humid in here, so.
Nicole: Also, we don’t have air conditioning, so then the oven just heats up our kitchen-dining-living room area.
Patricia: Right. I feel like I want to make a list of all the things I want to bake.
Nicole: Please do. Put it on the whiteboard that’s on the fridge.
Patricia: Okay.
Nicole: Lighting candles and reading while it rains.
Just like that, that mood. That whole, like, vibe.
Patricia: The coziness.
Nicole: Yes.
Patricia: Just chasing coziness.
Nicole: Yeah.
Patricia: And last but not least, coming up, we have the holidays.
Nicole: There is so much we can say here. First, there’s people like us who carry grief this time of year. And it can make holiday times really heavy.
Patricia: Yeah.
Nicole: And feel not like a celebratory time.
We never decorated for Christmas in the past, since we’ve been together. But you wanted to last year.
Patricia: Yeah, it was our first Christmas without my mom, and my mom freaking loved Christmas decorations. So, it was my way of including her in the season, and I’m actually looking forward to getting those back out.
Nicole: Yeah, I, I appreciate things like this, where you’re finding ways to include the loved ones that we’ve lost.
I know, like, before, I really struggled with these holidays because of all the loved ones that I’ve lost. But, with you, and last year and stuff, we’re finding ways of starting new traditions. And I think it’s helping. Maybe certain things come up during the holidays that get you down every year, and so it might be a good idea to start thinking about ways that you can start to, or work on, healing some of those wounds.
If you have a relationship with a mental health professional, it might be a good idea to start talking to them about this now.
Patricia: I also know it can be an incredibly stressful time for people with kids, especially if there is one spouse who is usually the one responsible for all of that holiday magic. Not only the gifts and the decorating, but the organizing, the keeping track of things, getting the holiday cards ordered and written and mailed out and often, that will fall on one spouse more than the other.
If you are that spouse I really urge you to think about what balls can be dropped or delegated this holiday season.
Nicole: Yeah, what can you, uh, delegate to the trash bin?
Patricia: Yeah. Well, can you hand off to Oscar? You, you don’t need to do all that. You know, we send out, honestly, we send out like 120 holiday cards and I typically enjoy it, but I’m also like, ugh, we just wrote 200 postcards to voters in swing states.
I’m like, maybe I can cut down on this, this holiday card list. Cause that seems a bit daunting this year.
Nicole: Yeah.
But also, you’re not the only one that does it. Like, we work on them together.
Patricia: Totally. We work together.
Nicole: Yeah.
The holidays can catch some people off guard, which is why we’re doing this show now.
So you can start to mentally prepare yourself and also maybe try to line up some things that are joyful for you.
Patricia: Yeah, so everything we talked about, whether it’s around the time change, whether it’s around the election, whether it’s around the holidays and winter, as you’re thinking of things to put in place as you’re listening to this episode, if you listen to it a second time, make a list, like write these things down for everything we talked about today and make this list in a place where you will see it and refer to it.
So if you’re a planner person, put it in your planner. If you use Google Calendar and use your notes app or Todoist or, or whatever, put it in the place that you will actually refer to. Lists only work if you look at them.
I’m actually, to give you a jumpstart, I’m going to share a link in the show notes from Michelle MiJung Kim, who is the author of a book I really enjoyed, which is The Wake Up, Closing the Gap Between Good Intentions and Real Change.
She made a sample self care toolkit with a list of 51 things she can do, kind of like things that fill her cup. And some of the things she lists can be aftercare as well. So if you are suddenly finding yourself unable to think of anything for yourself, I’m gonna link a, a list that’ll kind of give you a jumpstart.
Nicole: Patricia, what is the key takeaway for you for this episode that you want people to like, really hold on to?
Patricia: Well, as we said, this time of year can be really hard, but I want people to know there are things you can do to help it feel less so. You don’t have to get swept away by this time of year. You do have some control here.
Nicole, what do you want people to take away?
Nicole: I think I want people to just remember that winter doesn’t have to be all dark and dreary times. There are things you can do to find joy and kind of escape the doldrums of the darker times. And if you plan ahead for it, you’re more likely to be successful in that.
Music: [Transition Music]
Nicole: All right. So Patricia, what is filling your cup this week?
Patricia: So actually I think a couple of things. First, we are getting portraits done soon. Kind of like fun, creative, businessy portraits. From actually, we had taken a, like an iPhone photography class,
Nicole: mm hmm
Patricia: and I became mutuals on Instagram with the person teaching the class, and then she invited us to her studio to take some pictures.
So, we picked out outfits the other day, and we’re gonna go do that and get some professional pictures taken.
Nicole: Yeah, I’m kind of excited for that.
Patricia: And the other thing, which I don’t have written in our script, which I’ve just been thinking about is like, ugh, now that the heat has broken, I’m finally in the mood to actually maybe like start making marshmallows soon because what I really want to do is I want to get a ghost cookie cutter and make ghost shaped marshmallows. Like that is, that’s my, that’s my big plan. That’s my master plan.
Nicole: I’m here for it.
Patricia: Nicole, what’s filling your cup right now?
Nicole: You know, I’ve, I’ve been, been dedicating a lot of my time to work, so I’m leaning heavily on books to help, like, fill my cup right now. And now that, like, as you said, the heat’s broken, it’s starting to feel more seasonally appropriate in just the general outside everyday life, and so I might try some more spooky oriented books.
I know we’ve got kickin around and stuff. We’ll see if I, if I lean into that a little bit.
Patricia: Yeah, we also have, there’s a graphic novel called Pumpkin Heads,
Nicole: Aww, Pumpkin heads.
Patricia: that I like, that I like to re read this time of year. And so, I’ll put it in our bookshop. It’s a cute,
Nicole: yeah
Patricia: queer, like…
Nicole: It’s also Over the Garden Wall season.
Patricia: It is also Over the Garden Wall season.
And Heartstopper’s back. Season 3.
Nicole: And Heartstopper’s back. If we can ever find time to watch
Patricia: a show.
Nicole: A Show.
Patricia: [Deep Breath]
We will. We will.
Well, that’s our show for today. We’d like to thank our awesome audio editor, Jen Zink. You can find her at loopdilou.com. We’ll leave a link to that in our show notes.
Nicole: You can find the full show notes and transcript at eedapod.com. That’s E E D A P O D dot com. There you can also find a link to our Patreon, our Bookshop link, and a link to the ongoing Enthusiastic Encouragement and Dubious Advice newsletter. You can also find us on Instagram and BlueSky at eedapod and email us at eedapod@gmail.com.
Patricia: We are nothing if not consistent.
Nicole: We would also appreciate it so much if you would subscribe and rate us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube, wherever you get your podcasts that allow ratings, these kinds of things go really far in helping other people find us.
Patricia: We would also appreciate anyone who can subscribe to us on Patreon. Support there is going to help us keep this show going, especially without ads. You can find us at patreon.com/eedapod.
In the meantime, we hope you find ways to be kind to yourself. Drink some water and read a book. We’ll be talking to you soon.
Nicole: It’s also candy corn season.
Patricia: Ew.