Permission to Not Have It Together: A Practical Guide to Overwhelm

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Episode artwork for Enthusiastic Encouragement and Dubious Advice Podcast for the episode titled "Permission to Not Have It Together: A Practical Guide to Overwhelm”

Show Notes

In this episode of Enthusiastic Encouragement and Dubious Advice, Patricia and Nicole discuss strategies for managing personal overwhelm. The episode also includes library accessibility updates, and the not infrequent segment talking about recent books they’ve read.

Mentioned on the show:

Find the full show notes with all the books mentioned in this episode and official transcript on our website: https://eedapod.com/

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Sound editing by Jen Zink

Transcript

Music: [Intro Music] 

Patricia: Hey there, rapscallions, welcome to Enthusiastic Encouragement and Dubious Advice, the podcast for folks who would rather curl into the fetal position than lean in. I’m your host, Patricia Elzie-Tuttle. 

Nicole: And that’s what I’m effin’ talking about. I’m Nicole Elzie-Tuttle, and we are recording this show on March 6th, 2026.

Patricia: Reminder that this podcast is independently run and we’re hoping to be supported by listeners. Downloading, sharing and giving us reviews and ratings are free ways to show us support. If you don’t have the spell slots to write something, we understand. Thank you so much for those five star ratings. Those also help tremendously. 

Nicole: If you have a few bucks to donate, our Patreon memberships start at $3 a month and there are three tiers to choose from. And if you’re feeling generous towards one of your friends, you can gift a subscription. If you would like to find other ways to support us, you can find those linked at our website, eedapod.com, where you can find a link to our bookshop or a link to the Enthusiastic Encouragement and Dubious Advice newsletter.

We also have a merch shop. We would love for you to buy some stickers and stick them in all your places that don’t already have stickers. 

Patricia: Maybe stick ’em over some of your old stickers too. Stick ’em wherever you want. 

So before we really get into things, one of our listeners emailed us with some information that we want to share with the rest of you.

We have a two-part episode of this podcast titled Library Love Letter, and we talk about how in California, if you’re a California resident, you can get a card at most any other California public library. Some other states do this or they have a network of reciprocal systems, et cetera. 

We learned from this listener that this doesn’t necessarily work for folks who are disabled and housebound when applying for digital cards at libraries outside their service area. The libraries do require you to eventually come in to get a physical card, if not right when you sign up. 

They did email us, there was a large library system that was like no, we don’t do this. And then there was a smaller library system that was like, yeah, we’ll do this. We understand. And they mailed out a physical card to the person. The person also made sure that in their email request, they let them know about their situation and that they cannot make it to the location, et cetera. So they were very transparent about that.

I know that some libraries probably don’t do this because it has to do with cost and service population and libraries aren’t necessarily operating on Scrooge McDuck amounts of money. And at the same time, I think that accessibility is incredibly important, and something we mentioned on this show is not as accessible as we thought it was. And we want you to know in case that helps you. And thank you so much to our listener who emailed in. Good looking out for both us and other listeners. We deeply appreciate it.

Music: [Transition Music] 

Patricia: So this may apply to you, it applies to us. Things are really hard for a lot of people right now, personally, professionally, nationally, globally, sometimes all of the above. And burnout continues to be a popular content topic for a reason. 

Nicole: If you are interested in what we have to say about burnout, we have a previous episode, it’s called Burnout is Not Your Fault. And spoiler alert, it’s capitalism’s fault. That is designed to burn us out. I know sometimes the messaging out there can make people feel guilty for being burned out, like it’s your own fault for being burned out. 

Patricia: Yeah, and that we have full power to do something about it.

Nicole: Yeah. 

Patricia: Yeah. 

So we wanna talk about a related topic today, since we already have an episode on burnout, which is overwhelm. I am thinking about overwhelm on the personal level, not necessarily nationally or globally, because honestly I have very little when it comes to that kind of overwhelm. Like very little advice ’cause I’m feeling it too.

But we do have some tips to try to mitigate overwhelm on that individual level. 

Nicole: Our first tip is give yourself permission to not have it all figured out. Fun fact, nobody does. Honestly, I’m highly skeptical of anyone who says they have everything figured out. Especially ’cause there are so many variables in life that are not in our control.

Also, your journey is not other people’s journeys and their journeys are not yours, so their plans won’t work for you, and your plans might not work for them. None of us had this all figured out. 

Patricia: Yeah, and you mentioned permission. And permission was a big theme when I used to be a sex educator about giving yourself permission, giving permission to other people.

And so I think we could all give ourselves more permission, like Nicole said, to not have it all figured out. For instance, it may seem that Nicole and I have everything figured out, and I assure you that we do not. Just because I have the ability to figure things out when they come up does not mean I have everything figured out ahead of time.

There is lots of winging it happening over here no matter how on top of it we seem. 

Nicole: There is so much winging it happening, like the amount of wings over here. We are like biblically accurate podcasters over here. Just, oops all wings. 

Patricia: I feel like we need to make another sticker. 

Nicole: Biblically accurate podcasters.

Patricia: Sure. 

Nicole: Ooh, there are some people that may take issue with that terminology. 

Patricia: Well, you know what? They don’t have to buy the sticker!

Nicole: Also. Like trying to plan and control everything is a really good way to add to your feeling of being overwhelmed. 

Patricia: It makes me think of one of the few common self-help tidbits that I actually find really helpful, which I guess is maybe the next tip that we have for you, and it’s not thinking about the next 20 steps, but instead thinking about what is the one next logical step.

And then focusing on that. Then when it’s done, you think of that one next logical step and focus on that one. 

Nicole: Yeah. There was a book we read a couple years ago. It’s called Directional Living by Megan Hellerer, and it tries to teach people how to choose their next step. By what their intuition tells them by like what feels right and then just head in that direction.

Patricia: Yeah, I like that one way of putting this is like logic based and one is vibes based and it’s nice to have options, especially if you feel like things are unclear or one is failing you. Like some people aren’t really in touch with their intuition and they’re more logic-y and like sometimes it’s the other way around.

Nicole: You put this in our script for this and I was like, wait, what? And I think for me, I guess those things are aligned to the point like I didn’t even catch that that was a difference necessarily. 

Patricia: That you could even parse, like parse them out. 

Nicole: Yeah. 

Patricia: That they were, 

Nicole: yeah. But. I think it’s important to note that like for some people these two things, this like logic and vibes based directionality 

Patricia: Sure.

Nicole: I guess may be aligned and for others they may not be aligned and so like you need to pick one and honestly that’s okay. 

Either way, while this is helpful for like big picture stuff, this directionality, I guess it can also be really helpful on the small scale. I love this. What is the next thing I need to do on the to-do list is one of my favorite games.

If I look at all 50 things on the to-do list, oops overwhelm. Like, nope, this is shut down o’ clock. 

Patricia: Yeah. 

Nicole: Like I, I get nothing done. But if I’m like, okay, what’s next? Then we’re good. Which is helpful because we can only like actively do one thing at a time. 

Patricia: Yeah. When I think about to-do lists, I think there’s so much advice out there on like the best way to do, to do list.

And I’ve definitely shared some articles in my newsletter in case they’re helpful for people and like, hey, if it takes under five minutes, don’t add it to the to-do list, just do it. Which is a very, uh, a thing you might say to neurotypical people. Um, but I think looking at the to-do list and being like, okay, what is the next one thing I’m gonna do?

And then I cross that off, and kind of work through it one at a time. You can prioritize. Sometimes I look at our weekend to-do list and I’m like, what’s easiest right now? 

Nicole: Yeah. What’s that easy first win to like get me moving, get some momentum, which I think we’ve talked about before. 

Patricia: Well, we also talk about doing the hardest thing first.

Nicole: Ooh. 

Patricia: And then everything else after that. Is a lot easier. 

Nicole: Huh. 

Patricia: Mm-hmm. 

Nicole: I don’t like that. 

Patricia: You don’t like that? We’ve literally said it and that’s what we did with going through mom’s stuff. 

Nicole: Okay. Fair. 

Patricia: In the back room and now the office is actually a lot easier. 

Nicole: Yeah, that’s fair. I’m thinking about my like day job to-do lists.

Patricia: Oh mm. That’s a different to-do list. 

Nicole: And I totally put five, like under five minute tasks on there. 

Patricia: Absolutely. 

And sometimes I think about like, what do I need to do, maybe not to get through a whole list, but what do I need to do to get through today? What do I need to do to get through like that next hour? Because sometimes trying to think too far ahead is what’s overwhelming. 

Nicole: Yeah, have some coffee, scream into a pillow, then go join that zoom call. 

Patricia: Yeah. 

Nicole: When we are overwhelmed, it often goes hand in hand with a sense of powerlessness. If this is something that is happening to you, or I guess like for us, it can be helpful to take inventory of what is overwhelming and figure out what we actually have some control over so that we can see what power we do have. 

Patricia: Yeah, and I didn’t put this in the script, and it’s something I’ve been trying to teach myself, is that journaling and writing things out doesn’t have to be a daily thing.

Like it could be as needed, and sometimes you just need to write out everything that’s overwhelming you and get it on paper. 

Nicole: Yeah, throw it down on a list. 

Patricia: Yeah. And then look at it or don’t, close the journal. 

Nicole: Tear it out, toss it in your cauldron, light it on fire. Guess what? Those things don’t have any power anymore.

Patricia: Ta-da. Hashtag witchcraft.

But I am gonna touch a little on the bigger picture, which is, for example, I cannot force the government attacks on trans people to stop no matter how much I want to. But what I do have power to do is call it out on an individual level if I see or hear anyone spreading anti-trans rhetoric. I can boycott substack. I can avoid certain authors and creators, and also uplift trans writers and artists. 

Nicole: Speaking of writers, if you are writer, you can’t necessarily control if you get published or paid for your work, but like you can continue to write. You can put yourself out there, you can write your own newsletter, you can hone your craft, and I think that’s really important right now, especially if you’re feeling overwhelmed, but just in general. Like, do your craft, do your art, do your thing. Just make it exist in the world. 

Patricia: Yeah, and I think a lot of what we’ve talked about right now has come down to, is something we’ve mentioned in the past also, is that we have more control over things than we think we do. Do we have control over everything? No, we do not, but I think we have more control than we think we do.

Nicole: Yeah, and if you just focus on those things, the things you have control over, that can help alleviate some of this overwhelm. 

Patricia: Yeah. Easier said than done, but it’s a good north star, I guess. 

Nicole: Sure.

Music: [Transition Music] 

Nicole: Patricia, what do you want people to take away from this episode? 

Patricia: We actually didn’t say it explicitly, so I’m saying it now. We all get overwhelmed from time to time or maybe even all the time. There’s no reason to feel ashamed of it because it happens to all of us. Nicole, what’s your takeaway? 

Nicole: You don’t have to have it all figured out 10 moves ahead. This is not some like wild chess game of life. Focus on what’s the next best step and just start there. 

Patricia: Yeah. 

So we have, oh, we have plenty of time. Nicole. I wanna hear what you’re reading or if you’ve read anything good lately. 

Nicole: I mean, I did actually just finish today reading The Wind in the Willows.

Patricia: Yes. Tell me more. 

Nicole: Um 

Patricia: Which I haven’t read it by the way. 

Nicole: I know, I know. 

You know, this is my first time reading it. I know, I am like 115 years late on it or so. I don’t know what I was expecting 

Patricia: Uhhuh 

Nicole: but I wasn’t expecting that. 

Patricia: Oh my gosh. I’m gonna have to pick it up. 

Nicole: Yeah, no, it’s interesting. 

Patricia: Did you have fun reading it?

Nicole: Yes. 

Patricia: Okay. 

Nicole: I will spoiler, Mr. Toad does not drive a car into hell. 

Patricia: Oh, Hmm. That’s a, that’s a Disney cut for, 

Nicole: for those of you, 

Patricia: some of you. That’s a Disneyland cut. 

Nicole: Yeah, there’s a, there’s a ride at Disneyland Anaheim called Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride based on The Wind in the Willows. 

Patricia: And it is a wild ride in every sense of the word, like it’s actually just a drive through dark ride, like the car moves itself.

But 

Nicole: at one point, yeah, you do end up driving a car into hell, which for Disneyland is wild. 

Patricia: Yeah. And people are like, what is this ride? It’s actually one of my favorite rides because it’s so unhinged. 

Nicole: Yeah. 

Patricia: I just laugh through the whole thing. 

Nicole: It’s ridiculous. 

Recently though, I did read The Keeper of Magical Things by Julie Leong.

This is a sapphic cozy fantasy. With, I still can’t figure out the word for this archetype, but it is the straight A student who comes from a wealthy family and just is always like nose to the book trying to do the right thing and get ahead that way. And what I like to call the straight B student, um, speaking from experience who’s less so.

And is more like, what if we just did a nice thing for somebody and like slowly pulls that that straight A student out of their nose in the book, magical amulet that keeps them focused all day by saying mean things to them in their head. 

Patricia: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 

Nicole: Um, but it’s cozy fantasy. It’s very cute. 

Patricia: Would you say it’s almost like lawful good and chaotic good? 

Nicole: Might be along those lines. 

Patricia: Yeah. 

Nicole: If you want to go with those. 

Patricia: Yeah 

Nicole: Those references. There’s also a dragon cat, if that’s interesting to you. 

Patricia: That does sound interesting to me. 

Nicole: Yeah, it’s very cute. Our main characters have to take a bunch of low level magical artifacts to a small town where there’s no magic and inventory them. And it’s cozy fantasy and so, you know, they slowly ingratiate themselves with the small town. And 

Patricia: It’s actually the second book lately that you’ve read that has to do with inventory. 

Nicole: Really? 

Patricia: Didn’t you read, you said Defekt by Nino Cipri? 

Nicole: Oh. 

Patricia: Which is the sequel to 

Nicole: the sequel to 

Both: Finna. 

Nicole: Yeah. 

Patricia: Which is fun sci-fi that is Ikea-esque.

Nicole: Yeah, it’s, it’s not, it’s not-Ikea. 

Patricia: It’s not, yes, it’s not-Ikea. 

Nicole: I can’t remember what it’s called right now, but I guess there was, there was an assignment of doing overnight in-store inventory in that as well. That is a very different. 

Patricia: Very different 

Nicole: very different inventory and everything, but Finna is very fun also.

Patricia: Yeah. 

And of course we’ll link all of these in our bookshop and you can buy them there and, and see them there. 

Nicole: Welcome to, uh, EEDA Books, 

Patricia: EEDA Books. 

Nicole: Patricia, what have you been reading lately? 

Patricia: A million things as always. I just finished a self-help book that some people are just absolutely feral about.

It’s called Meditations for Mortals: Four Weeks to Embrace Your Limitations and Make Time for What Counts by Oliver Burkeman. 

Nicole: Mm, that’s not for me. 

Patricia: You know, I will say he is British. It’s very British book. And I think it’s also, I think the audience for this book is very 

Nicole: Mortal? 

Patricia: Maybe what? 

Nicole: Mortal. 

Patricia: Mortal, yes.

Um, neurotypical. 

Nicole: mmm 

Patricia: Because some of the things in the book, he says, and I’m like, okay, I could see that. And then at one point it’s like, you know, instead of sitting on an email or just like having your email sit in drafts, just write the email and send it. And I’m like, that is almost impossible for many people.

Like some of the advice is like, maybe this works for neurotypical people. So I don’t know, maybe I’ll have you read it and we’ll talk about it 

Nicole: sure, yeah 

Patricia: on a future episode. 

I also recently read Scarlet Morning by ND Stevenson, who wrote Nimona. 

Nicole: Yes. 

Patricia: Um, graphic novel we love, uh, which was also turned into an animated film on Netflix, I think. They also did the She-Ra and the Princesses of Power reboot. Like, 

Nicole: Yes! 

Patricia: that. 

Nicole: I forgot ND Stevenson did that. That was so good. 

Patricia: Yeah. 

Nicole: I love their work. 

Patricia: Yeah. 

Scarlet Morning is a middle grade fantasy about pirates. It was so good. I forgot how fun middle grade can be. 

Nicole: Yeah. 

Patricia: You know, it wants to keep your attention.

There’s not really any lulls ’cause they don’t want you to put the book down. Unfortunately, it really does leave you on a cliffhanger and it’s the first in a trilogy and I did not know that when I read it. But it was a ton of fun. And now I’m really looking forward to the future books. 

Nicole: Is there even a set publication date for the next book?

Patricia: I haven’t looked yet. 

Nicole: Okay. 

Patricia: I haven’t looked yet. That’s a good question. 

And finally, I reread Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir, which I read back when it came out. 

Nicole: Oh. 

Patricia: And I am now reading Harrow the Ninth, which I had tried years ago. And I think I just wasn’t in the right space for it, so I gave up on it.

And the thing is, everyone, the Lock Tomb series is Nicole’s favorite. And I think for me, one of the highest forms of love is to read someone’s favorite books or the books, like always read the books that they recommend to you. I’m very grateful that I have three people in my life that will do that, Nicole being one of them.

And so I’m like, finally, now that my duties at All The Books have changed and I have a bit more wiggle room in reading. I am finally getting to my wife’s favorite books and she is getting to experience me reading Harrow and then Nona for the first time. 

Nicole: I am asking for nightly updates and sometimes twice nightly updates if I know she reads more of the book after I asked her last.

I am just so excited to finally, finally go through this with you and bring you to the other side where we can talk about all the things. 

Patricia: I know you’re practically vibrating to the ceiling that I’m reading these books, you’re so excited, and honestly, that alone is worth it. 

Nicole: Yeah, no, I am incredibly excited by this.

So I can’t wait. I can’t wait. Every day. As you go through it, I get to hear more of your thoughts. Okay. I guess that’s it for EEDA books. 

Patricia: EEDA books. Sure. I don’t know. We’ll link them in the show notes. We’ll link them in the bookshop site. 

Nicole: Yeah. Bookshop. 

Patricia: Yeah. 

Nicole: Patricia, what is filling your cup lately? 

Patricia: So I actually really do adore the people that I work with now at the organization I work at now.

I work from home full time, but every once in a while I go to campus. I’ve, we have said before that we both work at universities and so this week I went to campus and actually I got to meet some people face to face that I had only met on Zoom, and it was really, really lovely. 

They are just, I work with really great people and I keep telling people that I feel like that scene in How the Grinch Stole Christmas, when his heart grew three sizes. ‘Cause like I was happy to see people and they were happy to see me and it was really great. 

So that’s filling my cup right now. Nicole, what’s filling your cup? 

Nicole: It’s starting tomato seed season. So I started a whole lot of tomato seeds. 

Patricia: You sure did. 

Nicole: Yeah. This season’s hope tomatoes. Tomatoes of hope. I don’t know the thing that keeps me going throughout the summer because it means I have tomatoes to give Patricia. They have been started. They have not sprouted yet. They are that new. 

I am experimenting a little bit this year. I’ve got some seeds starting indoors, some starting outdoors. I’m curious to see what happens, but I have started way more seeds this year than I could ever possibly grow at home without us having way too many tomatoes. I don’t even think I have room for all of these plants. 

Patricia: No. 

Nicole: This is how many seeds I got. I ordered some seeds online this year for some different varieties and it cost me like almost nothing to put them in little pots. ‘Cause we have the little disposable pots that other plants came in and I had dirt or potting soil, if you will. But I figured I can always give away the plants. 

Patricia: Yeah. Like we could start the seeds and we have at least, like a couple of friends who are down to take tomato plants and grow them themselves.

Nicole: And if I still have extras, like we can give them to other people in the neighborhood. 

Patricia: Absolutely. 

Nicole: I am sure our neighbors who have a small child who is the 

Patricia: self-proclaimed tomato queen. 

Nicole: Yes. I’m sure they would be delighted to receive a plant from us. 

Patricia: Yeah. 

Nicole: So. 

Patricia: And you’re doing fewer slicing tomatoes this year, although you have a couple different kinds, and you’re doing sauce tomatoes. So I get to try my hand at making sauce from fresh tomatoes. 

Nicole: Yes. I’m planning to grow at least two plants worth of sauce tomatoes or paste tomatoes. 

Patricia: Yes. 

Nicole: Yeah. Last year we had four plants worth of slicing tomatoes. This year we’re probably gonna do three ’cause I, I have space for about five plants. 

Patricia: Yeah.

Nicole: And last year one of those spaces was taken up with a pepper plant that we were meh about. So yeah, this year we’ll do five plants. Probably three slicers and two paste, and we’ll see how it goes. 

Patricia: Yeah. And always in the email, I am open to your tomato recipes. I am open to your tomato sauce recipes if you’ve ever made sauce from scratch.

Nicole: Yeah 

Patricia: I’m very excited. 

Nicole: I am too. 

Patricia: I need my daily tomato sandwich. 

Nicole: That’ll come in a couple of months. It’s gonna take a while to get there. 

Patricia: I know. I’m very excited already. 

Well, that’s our show for today. We’d like to thank our awesome audio editor, Jen Zink. You can find her at loopdilou.com. We’ll leave a link to that in our show notes.

Nicole: You can find the full show notes and transcript at eedapod.com. That’s E-E-D-A-P-O-D dot com. There you can also find a link to our Patreon, our Bookshop link, and a link to the ongoing, Enthusiastic Encouragement and Dubious Advice newsletter. You can also find us on Instagram and Bluesky at EEDAPod and email us at eedapod at gmail dot com.

Patricia: We are nothing if not consistent. 

Nicole: And if you are not sure what your next step is, I suggest you subscribe and rate us on Apple Podcast, Spotify, wherever you get your podcasts that’ll offer ratings. It really goes far in helping other people find us and is a great first step in the realm of things that you can control. 

Patricia: And yeah, if you write it on your list and then you do it, and then you could cross it off and it feels great.

We would also appreciate anyone who can subscribe to us on Patreon. Support is going to help us keep the show going, especially without ads. You can find at patreon.com\eedapod. 

In the meantime, we hope you find ways to be kind to yourself, drink some water and read a book. We’ll be talking to you soon.

Nicole: In my head right now, I just keep thinking about the title Meditations for Mortals, but as some sort of like sci-fi, like cozy sci-fi book involving like large, extra dimensional beings, like trying to teach mortals to meditate or something like, I don’t know. I just, I have a very different image in my head of what this book is.

Patricia: I’m sorry to say that it is nothing like that.