Show Notes
This week we chat about some of the reasons it can be so hard to ask for what we want. We talk about the importance of asking for what you want and even offer some ideas on how to get better at asking for what you want.
Mentioned on the show:
- Bookshop Affiliate Storefront
- Mobilize.us
- [Verb] Like There’s Nobody Watching via EEDA Pod
- Relationship Advice For All Types via EEDA Pod
- Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts. by Brené Brown
- Everyone Deserves Help (Except For Me) via EEDA Pod
Find the full show notes and official transcript on our website: eedapod.com
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Sound editing by Jen Zink
Transcript
Music: [Intro Music]
Patricia: Hey there, our fellow mischief makers! Welcome to Enthusiastic Encouragement and Dubious Advice, the podcast for folks who would rather curl into the fetal position than lean in. I’m your host, Patricia Elzie-Tuttle.
Nicole: And I’m looking forward to the Pottsfield Harvest Festival! I’m Nicole Elzie-Tuttle, and we are recording the show on September 10th, 2024.
Patricia: Wow, it is, I don’t know if this is the same for everyone, maybe teachers, but for us, it’s the start of our busy season, not at work.
Nicole: No, our social calendars.
Patricia: Our social calendars.
Nicole: Yeah, the end of summer and autumn, just like, explodes.
Patricia: Fills out. Because.
Nicole: There’s so much going on.
Patricia: Yeah. And also, I’ve always loved autumn.
Like autumn has always been, before it was the whole pumpkin spice or whatever. Because I loved school, and I loved going back to school, and I loved shopping for my new trapper keeper, and pencil box, and all the things. So autumn has always had a really, like, positive connotation for me. But let’s see, this week we are getting our new COVID vaccines.
That’s our plan.
Nicole: Yes.
New COVID vaccines are out. Please go get them. COVID is still a thing.
Patricia: And get your flu shot too.
Nicole: It is flu shot season. Flu shots are out. Many places give those away for free.
Patricia: Yes.
Nicole: I definitely recommend getting your flu shot.
Patricia: And also, coming up in a bit, it is Renaissance Faire time here in Northern California.
Nicole: Yes, Ye Olde Renaissance Faire.
Patricia: We were at a friend’s wedding and we were talking and realized I’m the person who had been to the Ren Faire the most times and a lot of our friends had never been or only been once.
Nicole: I’ve only been with you.
Patricia: Yeah, I’ve been, I’ve been to two Southern California Ren Faires, and Ren Faire in Pennsylvania, and Ren Faire up here, and everyone else is like, nope, never been.
Nicole: Are we gonna try to sell bad accents this year?
Patricia: I mean, they’ll have plenty there for sale, I’m sure.
Nicole: You can definitely, well, they’re not usually for sale, you can just collect them.
Patricia: You just get them for free, gratis.
Nicole: It also means it’s the start of Halloween season.
Patricia: Yeah, and it’s always Halloween in our home and our souls, but.
Nicole: Yeah.
Patricia: It means pumpkin patches. It means maybe I don’t know Halloween concerts.
Nicole: All the pumpkin spice flavored things.
Patricia: All the pumpkin spice flavored. Well, maybe not all the things I’m there are some things out there where I’m just like, mmm, maybe a step too far, maybe…
Nicole: Like a pumpkin spice peeps?
Patricia: I mean, I’d try ’em.
Nicole: I know you’ll try just about any candy at least once.
Patricia: It’s true. It’s true.
Just a reminder, we have a Patreon, and you can sign up for $3 at the Helpful Helper level, or you can sign up for, what, $8 at the Enthusiastic Encourager level, and you get access to some paid things and we are trying to figure out, like, what do we want to offer next for paid content for Patreon?
And we also have a bookshop. Our Patreon and our bookshop are the ways that you can support this podcast monetarily because we really don’t want to have ads. But we need to pay for editing because Jen does an amazing job. And so our bookshop link is on our website, eedapod.com. And if you shop any of the books on there, then we get a little kickback from that.
Nicole: Yeah, so buy books for us and subscribe to our Patreon.
Patricia: Well, not buy books for us, but
Nicole: From us.
Patricia: From, from us, yeah.
Nicole: Yeah.
Patricia: Well, and if you are
Nicole: Please don’t buy books for us.
Patricia: Please don’t buy books, oh my gosh. Absolutely tripping over piles of books here. Please, please don’t buy books for us. Although I do think someone did get, I do have a bookshop wish list.
Nicole: Oh.
Patricia: That I think someone bought me something that’s arriving this week.
Nicole: [Gasp]
Patricia: So, we’ll see. We’ll see.
But anyway, if you do any holiday shopping and you buy books for people, you can, uh, buy them through our bookshop.
Nicole: And you will be helping support this show and keeping it ad free, other than us advertising ourselves.
Patricia: [Laughing]
Music: [Transitional Music]
Patricia: Today I want to talk about something like a lot of the things we talk about that we are still actively working on. And sometimes for our shows and for the EEDA newsletter. I like to talk about stuff we’re actively working on because it helps to talk about what we’ve figured out already, but also it helps to commiserate and help people feel like they’re not alone in working on this thing.
So I want to talk about asking for what we want.
Nicole: Is this like asking the universe? Asking the moon? Or like, me asking you for a little treat?
Patricia: This is actually asking people you know, people you are talking to, real people, asking them for what you want or what you need.
Nicole: Sounds suspicious.
Patricia: Yeah.
Both of my parents were/are really big on asking for what I want.
I remember it was actually 8th grade. I was with one of my parents. We were at Mervin’s. Hey, Mervin’s. And I was like, oh, don’t you think this outfit’s really cool? Like, wow. And like, that wouldn’t fly at all, at all. My parents would be like, if you just want, just ask for it, just ask for the thing, but I’m not going to play this little game, this guessing game of does she want it or not?
Nicole: No, we just think it’s cool and I want you to look at it.
Patricia: Well, and we actually do that with each other. Sometimes I’m like, I don’t want this thing. I just want you to also know this exists.
Nicole: Yeah.
Patricia: So.
Nicole: Please look at it. That’s all we need to do.
Patricia: But my mother was fearless. If she was in the mood for movie theater popcorn, she would just walk up to like, the ticket taker or the ticket booth, depending on how the theater was set up to ask if she could just walk over to the concession stand and buy popcorn and then leave.
And usually they said yes.
Nicole: Yeah, they did. It was great.
Patricia: Usually they said yes. You know, my mother wasn’t necessarily a threatening looking person or anything like that. She’s always very smiley and dimples. And like, I think that helped her, but yeah, they would always just be like, kind of caught off guard.
Nicole: Yeah, I remember the first time she told us about that and I was present, and I was having this moment of like, I didn’t know that was an option.
Patricia: Yeah. Yeah.
One of her favorite sayings was, you don’t know if you don’t ask. Like, that was one of the things she said all the time. And the other thing was, the worst thing they could say is no. Which for a lot of people, like, that’s pretty awful, and we’ll get to that. But those were her two things, like, you don’t know if you don’t ask, and she would just ask for things, and it was inspirational.
Nicole: I find, for myself, I really do struggle to ask for things I want sometimes. And as we were talking about this concept that we kind of were exploring a little bit of like our childhood and what we learned about asking for things we wanted. And I realized that I, as a child, frequently did not get to ask for things I wanted because it was not safe to do so, in particular when it came to like gendered things and gendered activities. Like if it deviated from what was, quote unquote, a boy thing or a boy activity, like, I inherently knew it was out of bounds and could not ask for it, and so I really learned early on as a kid to, like, not ask for things.
Patricia: Don’t be suspicious, don’t be suspicious.
Nicole: Yeah.
Patricia: Yeah.
Nicole: I, like, do not want people to figure out what’s going on, and also any time I’ve veered out of this lane, like, definitely people called me on that as a kid.
Patricia: Mm hmm.
Nicole: I do remember one time I did get what I wanted partially. And what this was, was when I was little, this was probably like before age 10 or something.
After my father had already married his second wife. And she had a daughter who was only six months younger than me, and so we were very close in age. And every year, my stepsister and my stepmom and all the women in my stepmom’s family, so her sister, her mom, my stepsister’s cousins, would all go see the Nutcracker Ballet. Like, Christmastime every year. And I was the only one in that age group who got left out every year. And I remember finally asking one year, can I go? And it was kind of a big deal, but I did get to go. But I also remember, like, I had to have some concessions internally because, like, everyone else got a new dress, and shoes, and tights, and everything, and it was a big deal, and I had to wear, like, slacks, and a little button up t shirt, and a little clip on tie, and the collar that choked me, and everything, so, like, had to dress up, but had to dress up, like, in an appropriate way for everything, so, like, also, it was like a one time thing.
I only went once. I didn’t get to go ever again.
Patricia: In the future years.
Nicole: I don’t know if I asked, or if I was like, I did it, I’m good.
Patricia: Mmm.
Nicole: Because I didn’t want to, like, keep pushing it.
Patricia: Totally.
Nicole: But it was definitely a thing I learned, like, where the limits of asking for things were. Especially for the things that, like, I really, like, wanted, but knew to be scared to ask.
Patricia: Right.
I know I used to be much braver as a child, and I tell these stories in an earlier episode titled [Verb] Like Nobody’s Watching that I, in sixth grade, I wanted to play basketball, but there was no girls team, so I only, so I played on the boys team because I wanted to play basketball, and they didn’t tell me no.
They were like, well, she wants to play basketball and we have no girls team. Which I went to Catholic school, like it was looking back, I’m shocked it wasn’t a whole thing.
Nicole: Yeah.
Especially in the…
Patricia: That had to be like 1990, 91.
Nicole: Yeah.
Patricia: Yeah.
Nicole: That would have kind of been a big thing.
Patricia: My school was surprisingly cool.
Nicole: Yeah.
Patricia: Surprisingly cool.
Which the other thing was, you know, I was one of the top students, and I talk about this again in that earlier episode where I wanted to do the morning announcements. Like, I wanted to be the announcer in eighth grade like my last year at school. And no one had ever asked to do that, and so they were like, sure, you can, you can do this.
And I just, I was so much braver when I was a child.
Nicole: Yeah, that episode, [Verb] Like Nobody’s Watching, that is also the origin of our Do It Scared statement, which doing things scared also includes asking for the things you want.
Patricia: Yeah, now anxiety makes me pause or stops me completely, and I’m really working on trying to get that childhood audacity back.
Nicole: Yeah, I am just working on this in general, like, because I was so afraid to ask for everything that I wanted as a kid, like, I found that definitely rolls over to today. I still don’t ask for what I want, like, even if it would not be a big deal. I definitely, like, really sit on things and, like, uh, waffle about it and, like, find ways to tell myself, like, no, I don’t need it. It’s okay. And it is definitely something I’m working on healing in myself.
Patricia: Yeah. A few years ago, it was during the earlier part of the pandemic, I was asked to speak at a virtual international conference for my day job, and, side note, over the past few years, I’ve been focusing on making whatever I put out into the world, content wise, more accessible.
Nicole: You even refused to do this podcast without having a transcript. Like that was one of the foundational things you said we had to figure out how to do from day one.
Patricia: Absolutely. Yeah, and that’s something that kind of hindered us and took us a while until we figured out, like, how we could do it in a way that was both a good transcript and affordable and…
Nicole: And also not taking, like, eight hours
Patricia: Exactly.
Nicole: of us trying to sit here and manually transcribe.
Patricia: So, when I got this offer to give a talk, I was incredibly excited, and I also knew that I would not be giving a talk if there were no captions. This was a few years ago, and people were still working out Zoom features, so I sent an email reply saying as much, like, thank you so much for the offer, I do not give virtual talks unless there are captions, so can this be captioned?
And I was terrified. I almost cried sending that email.
Nicole: Yeah, but you did it. You did it scared, but you did it.
Patricia: I did do it scared. Oh my gosh. And like, I think part of what my, my baggage around this is, and some of my fellow Asian women may resonate with the way I was raised, which was I was raised to be accommodating, but never to be accommodated myself. And if I asked for anything, like asking for captions when I was offered an opportunity, that was the biggest sin. Like, to be ungrateful was such a huge disrespect.
Anyway, the lovely person who asked me to speak got back to me and told me that I will pre record my talk. And there will be captions added to that, and we came to this agreement because I asked.
Nicole: Yeah, that’s really good. And I think it’s a great example of, like, going out of your way to ask for something that, like, also is more accessible.
Patricia: Yeah, and I think that’s kind of what also helped was knowing that my asking this wouldn’t just help me because I like to watch things with captions, but would help other people who, like, really need to have captions.
And it is so much easier for us to ask for things if they’re going to help other people than for ourselves.
Nicole: Oh my gosh, yes.
I do want to circle back on this idea, though, of being grateful and accommodating, and not asking for too much. Because this is really like the other half of my struggle with asking for things, because like, for me, I come from it from an angle of while I wasn’t taught to never be accommodated, I feel in some ways, like, incredibly indebted to everyone who stuck with me through like my whole gender transition and everything. And so I almost feel like I’ve filled up the accommodation that everyone has, and so asking for more, even with simple things, might be too much, and I notice I even do this with you. Even though you always tell me, like,
Patricia: Like, tripping over myself to offer you things.
Nicole: And I’m like, no, no, no. Yeah, it’s, it’s one of those things, like, I got to do, like, this really big thing that, you know, from my perspective, really upended the world. And I’m so incredibly lucky and grateful that, like, you and all our friends, and everyone’s still stuck around that, like, asking for anything else almost feels like pushing my luck, even if it’s like a small thing.
Which I know, like, again, there’s not this, like, limited number of accommodations y’all have, like, we each get in life, and that’s it, you’re done.
Patricia: Yeah.
Nicole: But in some ways, it, like, in the back of my head, it feels that way. So it’s this real struggle to, like, ask for more.
Patricia: Yeah, I get it. And I know you’re working on this, and I’m doing my best on my end to make sure that I maintain a safe space for you to ask for things, right?
I make extra sure that I don’t give any kind of side eye or whatever. Because you’re working on this thing
Nicole: yeah
Patricia: and also I have no reason to, have no reason to.
Nicole: Yeah.
Patricia: Because you, me, everyone deserves to have things you want in your relationships What you mentioned is something that often keeps some folks in dissatisfying relationships or friendships because they think, oh, I should just be grateful that I have someone and I shouldn’t ask for more.
They should be grateful that their partner works or does X, Y, Z, so they shouldn’t ask for other things. And this could even mean like asking for quality time or asking for intimacy. And, it’s partially a self worth, right? And,
Nicole: Oh definitely.
Patricia: and an idea of deserving things, but in that not asking, and I also don’t want to blame that person completely, it keeps people from satisfaction and joy.
Nicole: Oh, it absolutely does.
While there is definitely, like, an element of almost what you could call, like, a self esteem or something like that in there, it’s also this, for some people, it has to do with a fear of rejection, right? Like, especially in the case of a partner or a loved one or a friend. Or, like, in the case of you asking for captions, that was just a work colleague, but there’s definitely this fear of, like, rejection, and definitely more than just, like, a no, and that’s being it, like, that there will be repercussions for that asking in some way.
Beyond that, no, I think on top of this, there is something that people like myself deal with, and it’s, it’s often related to ADHD and it’s called rejection sensitive dysphoria. And it’s something that can really amplify this, like fear of rejection.
Rejection sensitive dysphoria is, when you experience it, severe emotional pain because of a failure or feeling rejected and like in my case, this often included physical discomfort. Like not just that normal, like sinking stomach and like sinking in the pit of your stomach, but like almost to the point of, like, physical pain sinking in the stomach. And what this did, like, having this, and it took a long time, I’m still working on it, but it’s definitely gotten better, it led me to try to do whatever I could to avoid potential situations where someone would be unhappy with me. Including asking for things I want. Cause this fear of being told no, but actually like having this like severe emotional reaction to the point of experiencing physical discomfort.
Patricia: Yeah, I’m, I’m like, can’t relate. I’m so, I’m so the exact opposite
Nicole: yeah
Patricia: in so many ways.
And for, for those of you who are maybe on, my end of things and don’t necessarily have that extreme aversion to rejection, but you’re still scared of it, like, no one likes to be told no,
Nicole: No.
Patricia: like, no one likes to be told no. And I, the next thing I’m saying is going to be very Gen X of me, is you’ve survived every no you have gotten in your entire life thus far.
Nicole: Not me. No, I didn’t survive.
Patricia: You didn’t survive.
Nicole: No.
Patricia: No survivors.
Nicole: Just a ghost. I got told no one too many times.
Patricia: Oh no.
Nicole: OOooOOoo.
Patricia: We do this podcast, but the way I, you know, kind of self-help myself is like, are you going to die doing this? No, you’ll be fine. Just like I said, very Gen X of me.
Sometimes, also I know in my case, my fear’s not necessarily getting a no. My fear is actually getting what I want. It’s actually, what if I put myself out there and then what if people are receptive? Then I, then oh no, then, then I actually have to do the thing that I volunteered for or the thing I applied for or whatever.
Nicole: I love this about you so much
Patricia: [Laughing]
Nicole: because you still end up doing it and then you’re like, well, guess we have a podcast now.
Guess I’m getting published in a book.
Patricia: [Laughing]
Nicole: Like, you end up doing these things.
Patricia: I F around too much, and I keep finding out.
Nicole: You keep finding out, but like, in the positive ways.
Patricia: [Laughing]
Nicole: Yeah, you mentioned the like, you survived, like no no has ever killed you kind of thing, and I think I’ve talked about this before, like, I have a similar thing that I do, I say to myself sometimes. Which is like, is this harder than the hardest thing you’ve ever done? Is this harder than the hardest thing you’ve ever asked for?
It’s like, you survived that,
Patricia: Mm hmm, mm hmm
Nicole: like, you managed to get through that. Is this really worse than that? And often the answer is no. I’ve, I’ve yet to, in the last couple of years encounter anything more difficult than telling you that I need to change how I live my whole life in a gendered way. And being like, I need to do this.
Patricia: Okay, let’s do this.
Nicole: See, and that’s the thing. I effed around. I found out in a positive way.
Patricia: [Laughing]
Nicole: And here we are.
Patricia: And here we are.
Nicole: And it’s wonderful.
The other thing I think you need to be aware of, and this, I want to say this circles back up to your like, being a kid and being like, isn’t this shirt cool, is one of the things if you listen to our episode about our relationship and the rules for our relationship, one of the things we have built into that is no mind reading.
And this is, I think this fits in that realm,
Patricia: mm hmm.
Nicole: of like, no mind reading, like, you don’t get to be like, I really like lasagna for dinner sometimes. And expecting me to be like, ah, yes, you would like me to make you lasagna for dinner. Like, cause I will just respond like, yeah, I enjoy lasagna for dinner sometimes too.
I do not always pick up on the subtleties or subtext.
Patricia: Yeah.
Nicole: Like, you have to just be like, hey, Nicole, can you make lasagna? Like…
Patricia: Absolutely need to hit you over the head with it, yeah.
Nicole: Sometimes, yeah. Or else, like I said, I’m just going to agree with you. Yeah. It is good sometimes.
Patricia: You’re like, yeah, lasagna is great.
I know this and I’m still not great at it. It’s something I’m working on. And sometimes I’ll say, how do I do this thing? How do I fold this shirt? When I actually mean, will you please do this thing? Will you please fold these shirts? Will you please whatever? And I do recognize, like, some of it may be around kind of not wanting to come off as aggressive or asking these direct things or being demanding or being nagging and all of the kind of social weight around that.
That is, you know, the water we swim in.
Nicole: You mean you don’t want me to just, like, send you a YouTube of, like, three different ways to fold a shirt?
Patricia: I’d be so sad, but then, you know, I’d say, you know what, that’s on me.
Nicole: yeah.
Patricia: That’s on me. I didn’t, I did not ask you
Nicole: yeah
Patricia: what I wanted.
Nicole: I think this is where a lot of people get caught up, especially in relationships like this, is asking around the thing they want instead of asking for the thing they want.
A good example of this in our everyday lives, like you and me, is when I come home from work, because I’ve been going to the office a lot lately, and I will come home and I will say, like, hey, are we going anywhere tonight? Are we going anywhere soon? And that’s not really what I’m asking. I’m not asking, like, I don’t mind if we’re going out anywhere.
What I’m really trying to figure out here is, is it okay for me to change out of my work clothes and put on inside-house clothes?
Patricia: Yeah, can I take off my going outside clothes and can I put on lounge clothes?
Nicole: Yeah.
Patricia: But are we going anywhere is not that question.
Nicole: It’s not that question at all. And It’s funny now that, like, I’ve started trying to pay attention to this better and really ask for the thing I want instead of asking around the thing I want.
Patricia: Yeah, I mean, I will definitely do the passive aggressive, are you finished in the bedroom? When what I mean is, can I turn off the bedroom light?
Nicole: And often I’m like, did I leave the light on? Like, huh, didn’t even realize I did that. I forgot I was even in that room. But what it’s, what all this has actually led to starting to happen, like, in my daily life, is I will ask someone a question, and before they answer it, I will stop them and apologize, and I’ll be like, I’m sorry, what I really would like to know is, can I put on lounge clothes?
Patricia: Right.
Nicole: Or should I stay in my going outside the house clothes?
Patricia: Yeah.
Nicole: And I even do this at work sometimes. I’ll ask a question and be like, wait, I’m sorry, that’s not the question I’m trying to ask.
Patricia: You know, I am not a fan of Brené Brown, but one thing she said in Dare to Lead, one of her books, one line that I hold tight to is, clarity is kindness.
And I think that’s true at work, your expectations of someone, but I also think that’s true in your interpersonal relationships. Like, I want us to be successful, I want you to give me what I want, I want to be able to give you what you want, and so we need to ask each other clearly. And I want to acknowledge that there are so many reasons why people may not ask for what they want.
Not only rejection sensitivity, but like I mentioned earlier, thinking we don’t deserve what we want. How dare we ask for what we want. Who are we to deserve that thing? And again, I want to say, ask for what you want because you just might get it.
Nicole: And I want to make sure we’re all very clear on this point.
This is not manifesting, or prayer, or wishes. This is asking actual people, like human beings, maybe occasionally a dog,
Patricia: [Laughing]
Nicole: if they can understand what you’re asking for, but not, we’re not advocating for like putting it out to the universe.
Patricia: I mean, if that’s what you want to do, that’s fine.
Nicole: You’re, yeah.
Patricia: Yeah, do that too.
Nicole: Feel free to do that.
But also just ask for what you want from a person that can
Patricia: Get you what you want.
Nicole: help you get what you want.
Patricia: And I know some people might be listening to this show and are thinking, you know, absolutely not. Um,
Nicole: [Laughing]
Patricia: and I get it. And I want to offer that there are ways to practice this. Practice asking for what you want for things you absolutely know you’re going to get.
I know Nicole will never say no to a hug from me. And so practice asking for hugs. Or, I know my friends will never say no to receiving snail mail. So sometimes I ask, like, hey, can I send you something? And they’re like, absolutely. Asking for what we want is a muscle to develop. It takes practice. And so you start by lifting the easy things, right?
Asking for things you know you’re gonna get.
Nicole: Also, pay attention to how you ask for the things you want. Are you doing it indirectly? Try rephrasing your question to ask for the thing you really want. Still be polite about it. This is not me advocating for you to be demanding or acting like a Karen. Still be polite, but be more clear.
Patricia: And what we have talked about today also relates to asking for help. Uh, we’re not touching on that too much today because we already have an episode titled Everyone Deserves Help Except for Me, so that’s an earlier episode if you want to hear about that.
Nicole: Okay. We talked about a lot of things. Patricia, I would like you to tell me what you think people should really take away from this episode.
Patricia: It is important to clearly ask for what you want, even if your voice is shaking. Start by practicing on things you’ll get an easy yes to. What’s the takeaway you want people to have?
Nicole: I think it’s important for people to recognize that there’s a lot of reasons why you may not be good at asking for what you want, and that’s okay.
We all have our various childhood traumas and life experiences. But that is not an excuse to not start trying to be more clear in asking for what you want.
Music: [Transitional Music]
Patricia: We actually have time for a resource today.
Nicole: Oooh.
Patricia: So if any of you, like us, are overwhelmed by the horrors, and looking for something to do about, you know, I’m gesturing broadly at the world. I want to recommend the resource of mobilize.us and we will link it in the show notes. A lot of the options of things to do and events to attend on this site are political and on the liberal progressive end of things.
There are some non-political options as well. I mean, yes, everything is political, but what I mean is there are options to volunteer at food banks rather than going door knocking for Democratic candidates. What I especially appreciate about mobilize.us is the ability to filter for virtual events because not everyone is going out and doing things in groups.
You can also filter for accessibility needs, location, type, tags, and you also have an option for Spanish language events and volunteer opportunities. So that is mobilize.us and we will link it in the show notes.
Nicole: Patricia?
Patricia: Nicole?
Nicole: What’s fillin’ your cup right now.
Patricia: So I may have talked about this on a past episode, and I also talked about it as a goal for this year, which is getting good at making fresh pasta.
And so the other day I tried to make it with less of your help and I did most of it by myself and it was pretty good. Like the texture of the pasta itself was pretty good. And. I’m just really proud of myself. The thing that’s filling my cup, even though the pasta is great, is actually like, yes, I made a thing from scratch and I’m feeling very proud of myself.
Nicole: That’s good. Also, maybe that’s one of our Patreon extras is just a video of us making pasta.
Patricia: Making a mess? Okay.
Both: [Laughing]
Patricia: We’ll see.
Nicole, what’s filling your cup?
Nicole: I’ve been really excited with the Paralympics recently. I hope you all have been watching and kept up the excitement for the Olympics and carried it through for the Paralympics.
One, because there’s been some incredible athletes. I swear there was an archer that, like, dead bullseyed.
Patricia: Oh my gosh.
Nicole: And they’re shooting at like 70 meters.
Patricia: Yeah.
Nicole: This man was shooting with his feet. Like, I am amazed at the athleticism and the skill and technicality of these athletes. It is fantastic. Some of the swimming’s been great, too.
Patricia: Oh yeah.
Nicole: But also, I’m learning about sports I didn’t even know exist and are really fun and exciting to watch, like goalball. Which is a sport played on a court for people who are visually impaired or blind. I think it’s actually played where everyone wears goggles to make sure that they are, all have equal levels of visual impairment.
Patricia: Correct.
Nicole: And then the ball has a bell in it.
Patricia: Yeah, and so the entire stadium has to be silent.
Nicole: It’s amazing to watch. There’s, it’s so cool. But also other really cool sports, like wheelchair rugby, which the US wheelchair rugby team has a woman competing on their team, and she is really good. And then there’s like wheelchair basketball, which I think it’s really cool to watch because it changes the court dynamics and the plays that they run.
And then, like, watching someone in a wheelchair throw, like, behind the back passes and everything.
Patricia: They’re so smooth.
Nicole: It’s so smooth.
Patricia: And I mean, they’re professional athletes, right?
Nicole: Yes.
Patricia: They’re Olympians.
Nicole: Yes.
Patricia: So…
Nicole: And also It just, it’s so clean, and it looks so cool,
Patricia: yeah
Nicole: and they do such a great job.
Patricia: Yeah, they just had the Paralympics closing ceremony, so we’ll have to check to see if we can go back and watch highlights now.
Nicole: Yeah.
Patricia: Or if Peacock has denied us forever, but
Both: I’m hoping,
Patricia: I’m hoping to just like, watch Olympics and Paralympics through the end of the year, honestly.
Nicole: That would be so great.
Patricia: Well, that’s our show for today. We’d like to thank our awesome audio editor, Jen Zink. You can find her at loopdilou.com. We’ll leave a link to that in our show notes.
Nicole: You can also find the full show notes and transcript at eedapod.com, that’s E E D A P O D dot com. There you can also find a link to our Patreon, our Bookshop link, and a link to the ongoing Enthusiastic Encouragement and Dubious Advice newsletter. You can also find us on Instagram and BlueSky at eedapod, and email us at eedapod@gmail.com.
Patricia: We are nothing if not consistent.
Nicole: We would also appreciate it so much if you would subscribe and rate us on Apple podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts that allow ratings. It really goes far in helping other people find us, and we’ll shout you out on the show!
Patricia: Absolutely.
We would also appreciate anyone who can subscribe to us on Patreon.
Support there is going to help us keep this show going, especially without ads. You can find us at patreon.com/eedapod.
In the meantime, we hope you find ways to be kind to yourself. Drink some water and read a book. We’ll be talking to you soon.
Nicole: I totally misread the notes for your resource, and I thought you were gonna recommend The Horrors. Just, my recommendation for the day is The Horrors.
Patricia: Oh no.